“GIRLS GONE WILD: DORMROOM FANTASIES” (2005)

Starring: Thrill seeking girls
Written & Directed by Sleazy guys

Polly Staffle Rating: ZERO STARS

Having never seen one of Mantra Entertainment’s DVD releases I had a decent amount of respect for founder Joe Francis. The guy has built a multimillion dollar entertainment empire out of absolutely nothing but a camera and a dream. Not to mention the number of breasts in his face along the way while filming his “Girls Gone Wild” projects. What’s not to admire? “What a genius,” I thought. “Joe Francis is a wizard of whores. A modern day Larry Flynt.” At the VSDA’s in June I briefly talked with one of the company’s public relations specialists. He gave me a spiel about how their company is highly misunderstood by the mainstream media and is extremely picky on who they send press releases and screeners to. I told him about PollyStaffle.com and he handed me three DVDs and sent me on my way.

Part of the fun of anything sex-related or dealing with the baring of flesh is what I will call the “willing participant factor.” Sure, you will always have your freaks that are into humiliation, degradation, molestation and rape, but for the most part, I think the majority of men share my view. It’s one of the big keys to the whole fantasy of entertainment. Deep down we know it’s not necessarily the case, but we want to believe strippers, porn stars and any women getting naked for that matter, not only are having a good time, but are choosing to do so because they want to. It’s an illusion and we know it, but the appearance that the female is in charge and exploiting herself in order to please us is what makes the whole thing work. It’s the curtain hiding the true wizard, which is nothing more in many cases than a young girl being exploited by creepy guys, forcing her to do things she doesn’t want to do and paying her way less than they’re taking home. There’s no curtain in “Girls Gone Wild: Dormroom Fantasies,” so instead of being titillated, I was mad at myself for watching the damn thing and bewildered at my past admiration for the king of such an exploitative and degrading empire of smut.

I have never given anything I’ve reviewed zero stars. Unlike Roger Ebert, who dishes out that rating to horror movies all the time, my policy is usually to at least give one star. No matter how painful it is for me to finish (i.e.: “Sin City”) or how offensive it is (i.e.: “Forrest Gump”). How am I to be so egotistical that I’ll completely undermine the hard work of others and label anything unmatchable to anyone? So that must tell you how big a piece of garbage I feel this DVD is. Truthfully, it has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

From a technical standpoint, it’s absolute crap. The camera work is worse than most footage Bob Saget use to narrate with funny voices on “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” The editing and production is boring. There’s nothing slick at all. No neat graphics or quick cuts like you’ll find in an Indecline presentation. No, I’m not expecting the craft of John Woo. But at the same time, we’re not talking about something shot on a video camera from the 80’s purchased at a pawn shop for ten bucks and edited in some guy’s basement using two VCRs hooked together. We’re talking about a product released by a successful company that has become a sort of lifestyle phenomenon. Mantra Entertainment even boasts on their website that “Girls Gone Wild” is “America’s best-selling ongoing series.” Needless to say, I expected better.

As far as content, “Dormroom Fantasies” runs less than an hour, yet it feels like you’re watching a bad miniseries on slow motion. Sure there is nudity. Lots and lots of nudity. Make that bare breasts. There’s actually no full frontal nudity. In fact, I’m almost positive any time a bare crotch is almost shown it is blurred so their product isn’t accidentally classified as pornography. Yet the box says “uncensored” in huge letters with an exclamation point at the end and the words “Raw! Real! Uncut!” underneath it. And you know the late night commercials that sometimes hint at there being actual lesbian sex or masturbation scenes in these videos? Well, you don’t get much more on the DVD than you do on those infomercials. The masturbation scenes are boring drawn out close-ups of faces and the girl-on-girl action is extremely forced and leads to nothing more than kissing. That’s not the only false pretense here, either. This release is called “Dormroom Fantasies,” but most of the footage was shot on the “Girls Gone Wild” tour bus. There is no footage shot in an actual dorm that I could tell, expect one scene, which features average looking college girls that keep all of their clothes on.

Another big complaint against the content here is the females featured all look the same. They’re all wanna be quasi-celebrity/party girls, which essentially means Paris Hilton clones - white anorexic little girls with flat chests, ironing board backsides, fake tan-in-a-can complexions, dyed blonde hair and “all that” attitudes. These are the kind of “nasty as hell, stanky little cave bitches” the great philosopher Ice Cube warned you about. My mistake, this is “Girls Gone Wild.” What did I expect “Women Gone Wild”? If little giggling girls that expose themselves for hats and t-shirts is what you’re into, fine, you might enjoy this. But for my money, Shawn and Marlon Wayans in drag and white makeup were probably more erotic. So instead of paying $20 for “Dormroom Fantasies,” you might be able to get “White Chicks” out of the discount bin and get the same arousal factor.

Now the review gets really ugly. The quality of the product and its content are actually the least of the DVD’s worries. What really didn’t sit well with me and sent me off into a tirade like Dennis Green’s “the Bears are who we thought they were” after watching this so-called “reality” production is the means in which the girls get wild. I knew going in the whole reality thing was a load of crap. Of course these aren’t every day girls spontaneously deciding to strip naked on camera. You ever walked down the street with a video camera? How many women flashed you? These females are all primped and waxed with hair and nails done, dressed in their favorite outfits and thongs. I also knew how Joe Fancis hooks up with the girls. “Girls Gone Wild” rolls into town with their bus and hosts parties at clubs. Supposedly, establishments attract so many people the night of these events that nightclubs pay Mantra Entertainment as much as $10,000 to film there. What I didn’t realize is how slimy the whole thing is. Watching “Dormroom Fantasies” I couldn’t help but think of Shane Ryan’s “Amateur Porn Star Killer.” In it, a male serial killer named Brandon coerces a young girl into taking off her clothes. She is then forced to perform sexual acts. Once he’s done with her, Brandon kills the girl and moves on to his next victim. “Girls Gone Wild” uses the same “eat’em up and spit’em out” approach and left me feeling just as ashamed at myself as Ryan’s film. The only difference is “Amateur Porn Star Killer” is supposed to repulse you and make you question where the exploitation line should be drawn, “Girls Gone Wild” on the other hand is supposed to be fun and games. But it just isn’t. The girls are all obviously drunk and the tactics used to get them to go wild read like a “How to be a Corrupt Cop and Force False Confessions Handbook” as duress and coercion are both used. Not to mention the targets are young and naive with possible mental impairments and complete ignorance of their rights.

Am I being a bit too harsh here? Well, you can decide for yourself, but know the girls are not paid a cent. A lame truckers hat, a cheaply made t-shirt and booty shorts are the most they get to be forever captured on a “Girls Gone Wild” production, which will probably outlive us all. And yes, these girls signup for it and it’s their choice, but I have a feeling many of them don’t know quite what they’re getting into. Scene after scene it felt as though many of their girls wanted to back out, but here they were drunk on the “Girls Gone Wild” bus, surrounded by cameras being operated by men begging them to expose flesh. So they do.

But it doesn’t seem like they are having much fun and that just ruins it for me. Not to mention the fact I felt like a sexual predator just watching these encounters. I actually started thinking about these girls as real people with feelings, hopes and dreams and not just images. Of all the movies I’ve watched, I never would have guessed a “Girls Gone Wild” video would have me re-examining my views on nudity in entertainment. Where do these images come from? Why do we desire them? What effect does it have on society? These are some of the things I keep asking myself after seeing this filth. I have no answers. All I know is there isn’t really an argument anyone could make to persuade me that “Girls Gone Wild” has any artistic merit. I’d also like to add that the respect I had for Francis before watching “Dormroom Fantasies” is completely gone. I will also assume that after this review, I’ll be placed on the company’s media black list.